REVIEW: Ghost Rider - Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

What. The. F@*# did I just watch?!? Critics have been harsh over this belated sequel/reboot/whatever that was, and so my expectations for bad overdone campy fun were high; I was EAGER to see a fun bad movie. Like an old-time Sam Raimi  or Robert Rodriguez or Peter Jackson pre-rings having a blast. But this... this isn't even campy. Nor fun. Or even funny. It's painful. I mean physically painful for the eyes to watch.

There are so many ways this film fails spectacularly that it's impossible to list them all, but the absolute worst has to be Nic Cage. This isn't your typical bad, phoned-in, lazy cliché Nic Cage. This is wig-out Nic Cage quite visibly forcing himself to crank the wig-outness to 11 and then swallow a can of shtrong Columbian coffee grains -without water-  ergo it is so bad I truly, sincerely and 100% honestly hope someone at this weekend's Oscar Ceremony calls on him to get up onstage, apologise on his knees and give his Oscar back. Then clean everybody's shoes with his tongue. You'd think he was contractually forced to do it and acted it out on screen, but reports suggested Cage loved it so much he wants to do a third.  Where he will presumably sit on a pale horse, and Hell followed with him. God help us all.

This is Nic Cage on drugs. Any question?

The positive thing about it is that Cage's brain-scratching "performance" doesn't clash with the rest of the cast who are equally on a braincell-killing rampage, even poor Ciaran Hinds who deserves so much better. When the only credible performance comes from Christopher Lambert in a 35-second cameo, you know your film's got  some deep problems. So directors Neveldine & Taylor tackled those problems by making the editing, photography, soundtrack and special effects just as godawful . Hand-on-heart I do not exaggerate: people in the audience were looking at each other in disbelief. Before walking out. It's a complete mess that I couldn't nor even wanted to  make sense of.

There are so many questions I'd wish to ask to the producers of this film -How did they get THAT to be greenlighted, how on EARTH can Nic Cage be even WORSE than before, how many cases of epilepsy did they get from test audiences, etc- but my main concern is who the heck edited the theatrical trailer for this film? That guy did SUCH a great job of selling a completely different film to me that I fear if the GOP get their hands on him they could get Newt Gingrich elected President in a landslide. Suffice it to say disappointed does not apply; this is a cautionary tale against drug use in Hollywood. They seem to gots some strong stuff over there.

Final Word: 1/10