REVIEW: From Paris with Love

2010 Action
Starring:  John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Kasia Smutniak
Written by Adi Hasak, Luc Besson
Directed by Pierre Morel

With the first trailer I saw of From Paris with Love –heck, from the first I heard of the film period- my thoughts were Complete Waste of Time and Money; Travolta? No thanks. Besson Producing? Empty stunts display. Pierre Morel, I admit, stunned me with the very effective and cool Taken. But I still went into this one, kicking and screaming. MAN was I on the wrong track!

Story follows planted agency academic James Reece who’s biding his time posing as an Embassy aide in France while doing boring support assignments until he gets the big call. Which comes in the form of Charlie Wax, an over-the-top “cleaner” who’s gun-blazing methods leave Reece hanging on the edge of his wits by turning a simple driving job into a full-on war of two against hundreds.

My one mistake for putting off on this one –and without interest- was trusting the opinion of Roger Ebert who pretty much laid down how the film’s marketing made me feel. Lots of respect for the big guy whom I constantly quote in saying a review is nothing more than one person’s opinion, but in this case I’ll counter-quote with my buddy Biggeoff’s saying: we’re not movie critics, we’re movie lovers, and I strongly feel Ebert watched too many movies to just appreciate the pure fun of something like this. Not an Oscar winner by any means, but completely out-of-the-blue entertainment and thrill ride.

I never thought I’d be writing this again after the last decade and some, but the film’s greatest strength is John friggin Travolta, who plays as many tricks on the audience as his character does his partner. All throughout the film he sets us up to believe him the usual American action film cowboy cliché but keeps spinning it out at the last second to reveal something else entirely; his messing around with the genre echoes the same of the entire movie. This isn’t a grudge film about a dark anti-hero out to face his demons because of a bad upbringing or any traumatic s**t that happened to him; it’s simply a guy who absolutely loves what he does and does it better than anyone: blowing bad-guy brains out. Simple as that.

Sounds idiotic and mindless except the execution is so well paced and anti-conventional while following the usual basic rules that from the first twist Charlie Wax pulls on us we’re completely taken into his ride and are left wanting for more. Co-star Jonathan Rhys-Meyers does the smart thing in emulating the audience – just going along from hit to hit, without over-acting and like Trav avoiding clichés of a character played out thousands of time on the screen.

The “big” plot twist I have to admit seeing from a mile away – literally, I knew what it was 5 minutes into the film. But by the time it actually happened I didn’t care anymore, I was having too much fun enjoying an actual Travolta performance of guts and fun to care about criticizing this thing. So much that the ending, which obviously points to an eventual franchise, left me sad knowing it was over AND that the film’s quite poor box-office will not allow such a sequel to happen. Although it’s a Besson film and not a Hollywood profit excuse, so who knows, maybe Charlie Wax will dazzle me again.

I really wish Travolta had turned down most of the crap he’s been doing since his initial career resurgence as Vincent Vega and Chilli Palmer 16 years ago; movies like this one would probably have had a much better chance of being appreciated without prejudice.  But no, he had to sign on for Wild Hogs 2... come on dude – leave the Disney waste behind and give us more of Charlie Wax! My two cents: I’ll take From Paris with Love over every Tony Scott waste of celluloid any day of the week.

Final Word: 8/10

REVIEW: Ninja Assassin

2010 Action/Martial Arts

Starring:  Rain, Naomie Harris, Rick Yune, Sho Kosugi, Ben Miles

Written by Matthew Sand

Directed by James McTiegue
Back in the 80s of my childhood, a spectacular idiot once asked me why I liked that era’s cheesy Ninja movies so much.  “But dear brother,” I told him, “it’s because they’re extremely fun”. Were I to in any way still dwell around that particular person today, I sadly would not defend Ninja Assassin with such gusto.

In the politically correct setting of Europol, a nosy department researcher does what no one else in a millennia could’ve: uncover a secret network or traditional high-priced assassins called Ninjas. Such a discovery would bring her quick death if it wasn’t for protection from a rogue member of the organisation bent on tearing it down. And that is the story, not even in a nutshell...

It had been a long time since international audiences were treated to an actual bona fide (and good) Ninja film, and a big-budget one with the Wachowski siblings and Joel silver producing sounds mighty sweet on paper; suffice it to say I wanted to like it. But what I got was the Ninja equivalent of Star trek The Motion Picture: a 10-minute story for a 2-hour movie. Even worse, it caters to the Twilight crowds with quasi permanence of the star’s 6-pack onscreen!

Speaking of him, I can’t say I know much about Koeran super-star Rain (come one dude – even Leaf Phoenix kept enough brain cells to swap for a normal name) but from watching the film I CAN tell three things. One: the dude’s had a 2-day crash course in English which allows him to flatten-out the few funny bits in his already scarce lines. Two: even a guy can’t help be amazed by the sweetness of the sweat on his perfect abs. And three: the guy has low-to-no chemistry with his lovely co-star Naomie Harris. Sad for her; she’s good enough to have deserved better exposure.

Casting-wise, the film does one thing absolutely right in bringing back 80s genre icon Shô Kosugi. The veteran actor demonstrates a confidence onscreen and impressive moves for a guy his age that made me wonder why the heck he hadn’t done a movie in 17 years. His memorable villain makes the other antagonist, the perpetually typecast Ricky Yun, look like a cardboard cut-out – who even whimpers when he’s about to get killed. Fearless Ninja, riiiiight...

As for fight scenes –it IS a Ninja movie after all- no hesitation in saying they are quite spectacular. I least I guess they are; sometimes hard to make things out in the permanently dark settings punctuated by over-CG’d blood spurts. Kudos to Quentin for going low-fi with Kill Bill’s haemoglobin! Superb choereography still, but serves only to point out the non-existence of any sort of story. Half the film consists in rapidly-annoying flashbacks to the hero’s harsh training while the rest is both leads running from other Ninjas for God knows what reason.

If made for $15M by an upstart director, I probably would’ve been lighter on the sarcasm and heavier on the praise since the film does give a high-octane does of gory martial. But coming from James McTiegue with the Wach sibs and Warner behind him, I expected a lot more quality – or at least a really entertaining film. Neither were present in the screening room when I was.

Story has it the Wachowskis, unhappy with the shooting script, asked the great J. Michael Starczinsky to rewrite it all a mere 6 weeks before production start. Easy to guess what Mike wrote: His name, on the back of a check to endorse it. No other explanation as to how this awesome writer’s involvement couldn’t churn out better results.
Final Word: 5/10

REVIEW: Tenure

2010 Dramatic Comedy

Starring:  Luke Wilson, Gretchen Moll, David Koechner, Bob Gunton

Written by Mike Million

Directed by Mike Million
 
You never should have very high expectations for a straight-to-DVD release, unless it’s a labor of love from an indie director who hand-picked passionate performers and previously went the festivals route. Still not Big Studio aesthetics, but sometimes you find a little gem that you’d like to keep around on your shelf to wash away some turgid Gerard Butler rom-com or other.

After over a decade of teaching in various colleges and always being denied tenure, Charlie Thurber feels he’s facing his ultimate chance with the rural college he’s been at for 3 years. Before reaching his goal though, he’ll need to deal with an over-imposing best friend, a very demanding father and an attractive new department rival.

To be honest I thought Luke Wilson had washed out since he hasn’t been a key player in a major release for a long time –save for an awesome cameo in the equally awesome 3:10 to Yuma. But seeing him chew his scenery in this one indicates the dude simply wanted to keep to the kind of smaller and more heartfelt projects that made him in the first place, like Bottle Rocket or Rushmore. Probably doesn’t help that he always plays Luke Wilson or a close variation, but when the part calls for it he’s a charismatic watch.

The rest of the cast fits equally just as well, especially the great Bob Gunton (Put your faith in the Lord,  your a** belongs to me!) easily given here his best role since Greg The Bunny got prematurely trashed.  Gretchen Moll’s warm and gorgeous smile is a welcome sight, and Sasha Alexander’s small part again begs the question why she’s never given bigger ones.  Only stumbling block is David Koechner, who’s made such a complete a career at portraying annoying dimwits that he just ruins it for me whenever he appears in a film. What can I say – he rubs me the wrong way! Even more in this case as way too much time is devoted to his ill-advised antics than to the more interesting rivalry/friendship between Wilson and Moll’s characters.

That might also be the film’s ultimate short-coming; setting and scope promise an interesting inner look at not only college life viewed from the teacher’s eyes, but at the choices offered and made as one’s thirties start weighing with the knowledge that dreams and and exuberance of younger days are long gone. It should be about still learning to grown up when you’ve stopped growing a while ago, but instead it’s mostly about a poor shmoe trying to save his career and salvage his life while everybody else either help badly or not at all.

On the other  hand, ill-fated comedy aside. The viewer is treated to a slice of life in a microcosm of a small town that recalls fantastic (and admittedly greater) Nobody’s Fool  -  movie and book.  Many pit falls are side-stepped to avoid veering into insidious rom-com territory and even some of the annoyances can still come off as sweet and quietly inspiring. Especially the end twist, which honestly I should’ve seen coming but didn’t, all to the greater advantage of the film.

Tenure ultimately feels and looks like a very-small budgeted movie intended for shelves, but as shuch fares muc h better than most other entries in that same situation. It turns out the kind of film to keep close by on a shelf to be re-watched whenever the mood feels right for something sweet, mild and warm. And in any case, a good first effort f by director Mike Million. I do recommend checking it out when it hits the stores on April 13. Or right now at Blockbuster exclusively. Yeah, they're still opened - I was surprised too!

Final Word: 7.5/10

REVIEW: Percy Jackson/The Lightning Thief

2010 Fantasy/Adventure

Starring:  Logan Lerman, Alexandra Daddario, Brandon T. Jackson, Pierce Brosnan

Written by Craig Titley, Chris Columbus

Directed by Chris Columbus

The Lightning Thief isn’t so much entertaining as it is distracting, from watching the three young stars constantly trying to figure out what they should be doing due to a quite apparent lack of proper direction. Can’t say I blame them; they showed up thinking they’d be doing a Percy Jackson film but found themselves on the set of “Chris Columbus Does PG Fantasy for the Twilight Crowd”. Be advised: I did not like the film. 

Stuck in a middle class life he hates, trouble student Percy Jackson learns from meeting a nefarious creature (his teacher...) that he is the son of the Greek sea God and is targeted by other Gods as having stolen Zeus’ mighty thunderbolt. But that doesn’t matter to him ‘cause his mom was abducted by the Underworld dude. The young man will race on a quest to find her before all Olympus break loose. Or someone notices his 5 o’clock shadow.

From the get-go, Percy Jackson has been fingered by all as a Fox’s attempt to secure some Harry Potter business. But Percy isn’t a Potter knock-off; he comes from a book written 11 years before the first potter was published and jumped in a movie that believes its own self unworthy of a franchise, so much that most of the plot points from the book are nowhere to be found, and the story ends on a note which inspires little care if another of those is ever made. Even though the initial novel sets up the next 4 quite beautifully.

The film’s run time of about 100 minutes seems to forbid cast and crew to develop plot and characters in favour of a pace that moves things along at all cost. Visuals are stunning and the action keeps coming, but lots of it makes little sense, save for the characters – we don’t know WHY they’re haulin’ a**, but they sure are! Half the film is devoted to set up the rest, but none of it deserves much attention, nor $95M in financing. 

Casting could’ve turned that tide, especially one that looks so cool on paper, but only once or twice has this one got it right; Pierce Brosnan as the benevolent teacher and guide Chiron is pretty much the best thing in the film, albeit of extremely short presence. The rest of ‘em are no match for a hasty script and eye-candy direction; Sean bean as Zeus sounds cool but looks so bored it hurts, just as Kevin McKidd offers quite a wimpy Poseidon for such a square-jaw actor. Steve Coogan, I fear not in saying this, must be glad a third Museum film will soon come to wash out his pitiful Hades (shoulda taken notes from James Woods’ voice work in the Disney ani), and the actual villain is a such a de-clawed dork that even my gerbil could kick his butt. And my friggin gerbil’s dead!

As for star Logan Lerman, the kid’s got good looks and slick moves, but he’s just not what that character required; this hero should’ve had to discover and earn his valor, not pass Go and collect $200. If my Box-Office prediction continues to be true for this film, Lerman did well to knock on Sony’s door about Spiderman- Percy J might not be back in theatres anytime soon.

Of course my own dislike of the film comes from loving the books so much, and finding that most it was contradicted or disregarded –especially the incredible research and author Rick Riordan’s unique dialogs. But then again, should the guy who just previously directed I Love You Beth Cooper really be expected to bring on the next huge cash cow? 

The Lightning Thief isn’t such a bad film per se, but one that should’ve been superb , even with half the CG budget. We get instead a semi-cute PG action flick understandably dumped in the February wasteland and soon to find its place on discount shelves between Catch That Kid and Agent Cody Banks. *shivers*

 5.5/10

R.I.P Gene Barry

The Original Martian Repellent

When a huge celebrity of the hour overdoses on his toilet or crashes his SUV (...) every single media outlet on the planet makes a huge dish out of it and serves leftovers for weeks. But when a great of the past expires away quietly at an advanced age, nobody seems to care. Or does so much too late and improperly. Hence my writing about the passing today of a little-remembered but once-beloved actor, Eugene Klass aka Gene Barry, who died this Thursday December 10th of unknown circumstances. He was 80 years old.

Barry started out on his talent and scholarship as a local singing sensation, taking the radio and stage scene by storm in the 1940s until finally getting noticed by Hollywood in the early 1950s. A handful of small movie roles did little to elevate him nor make use of his vocal talent, save for a couple that fared poorly. One part however did secure a place for him in stardom: 1953's War of the Worlds, which he headlined as dr. Clayton Forrester.The part had originally been offered to Lee Marvin who declined; No offence to Marvin, but sci-fi fans are grateful...

His screen career on the rise, the actor is offered more TV work than he wished for, and reluctantly did he look at such offers until a proposal to portray real-life wild west lawman Bat Masterson, gentleman who relied on his wit and gold-adorned cane rather than guns to take criminals down. The show lasted only 3 season but reached cult status almost immediately, ensuring Barry a typecast yet long career on the tube.

In 1963 came his second TV hit, just a s short as the previous but equally beloved: Burke's Law saw Barry as a chief of detectives who also happens to be a wealthy playboy. The series' cult following inspired ABC to revive it in 1994, for an appreciated but unsuccessful single season. A third show followed, this one offering a much different and original format: The Name of the Game, where three series star would each in turn start in their own individual episode. Barry played newspaper owner Glenn Howard, with Robert Stack and Anthony Franciosa playing his star reporters. Again only 3 seasons, again beloved but little remembered.

14 years of playing the elegant justice-maker on the tube made it nearly impossible for him to break out on the big screen any longer nor to explore further series of his own on TV, and thus Gene spent the remaining of his career either guest-starring on shows or returning to his first true love, Broadway musicals, where he met with great success and recognition. By the end of the 1980s he all but retired, appearing only occasionally in TV shows when specially requested to do so. His last appearance was for Steven Spielberg's own adaptation of War of the Worlds in 2005, for a cameo that confirmed his status as the star to a sci-fi cult classic of Hollywood's Golden Era.

Who's Yoda-dee?

An oldie, but a goodie!






















The waitress, Jodee Berry, filed her lawsuit in October 2001. Settlement was reached in April 2002 and Berry was allowed to pick the Toyota of her choice. Representatives for her former employers claimed the contest was simply an April's Fool joke.

Disney's Horrific Princesses...

I can't really say why it's such an attraction to see someone take cute and cuddly icons of our childhood and make them dark and deranged, but it just is. I go with the flow. Although sometimes it's just not right - like Todd McFarlane's line of Oz toys - a half-nude Dorothy in S&M bondage is just a damaging sight...

Graphic artist Jeffrey Thomas is one of those who can get the "cool" out of such concepts though, even if it means turning Snow White into a much -MUCH- scarier vampire than Edward Cullen, or give Cinderella more than she bargained for once the chariot turns back to a pumpkin...

Here are a few of Jeff's creepy designs for Disney Princesses, with the rest OVER HERE.

 

 

 

 

Walt Disney thought suicide was funny!

It takes a special kind of humor to read Alix Strauss' recent book  Death Becomes Them: Unearthing the Suicides of the Brilliant, the Famous, and the Notorious, but probably not as much as it took to write it - the author offers enthusiastic accounts and analysis of suicides by celebrities of all artistic trade who took the self-imposed way out. So much that sometimes it almost feels like a DIY guide to emulating your idols... But as creepy as that sounds, there's even worse: the book tells of a period when Walt Disney thought it funny to make Mickey Mouse suicidal!

In the 1930s Mickey ran in newspapers alongside other comic strips, as written and drawn by Floyd Gottfredson and Hardie Gramatky. From October 8th through the 29th in 1930, the strip's storyline had Minnie dump Mickey for a douche named Mr. Slicker, leaving the poor mouse deeply depressed and trying different ways to off himself. And why did they run that strip? “I think it will be funny,” was what Gottfredson remembered being told by Uncle Walt himself who came up with the concept and pushed it.

Here are a few of those little "gems", if only to henceforth view Disney animated features in a different light...(click on each strip to see it full and large)

 

 

 

REVIEW: Across The Hall (2009)

2009 Thriller

Starring:  Mike Vogel, Danny Pino, Brittany Murphy, Brad Greenquist

Written by Alex Merkin, Jesse Mittelstadt, Julien Schwab

Directed by Alex Merkin

If those who can't do teach, for the movie industry they simply bitch; many hopefuls and never-was will say of Alex merkin that he reeks of film school and threw into his movie every trick he learned to try and make a lame product look good. One thing though - it is a good movie and everything he threw in is refreshing in its capacity to keep you on the edge of your seat the whole 90 minutes. Why don't guys like him get entrusted with LXG and other big budget misfires? Oh, I know! because an independent movie allows the director to make it good without studio interference...

In a seedy hotel where one porter tries to maintain the illusion of sophistication, Terry is holed up in a room where he followed his fiancee, whom he suspects of infidelity. Blood is on the floor, a man is tied up in a chair, Terry is psychotic and Julian rushes in to help his best friend Terry but finds himself in a situation nothing good can come out of. What follows is a back and forth through a story where nothing is at it seems and appearances can lead anywhere we allow them to.

Merkin probably did learn one about films that he indeed applied to the letter, and quite beautifully: if your movie is little and you want big, make it feel big. From an incredibly well paced opening scene that sets the tone for wanting more to sharp editing and inspired camera angles, the film feels like a $30M studio offering, complete with a fantastic orchestral score that sets the viewer up for one hell of a ride.

As for the narrative drive, which jumps to multiple points of the story from start to finish, is avoids the usual linear feel of such devices to instead keep the suspense elevated and drop bombs more than once, best of
which the final twist that I can't help feel I should've seen coming but did absolutely not. Great performances by little known actors Mike Vogel (of CLOVERFIELD), Danny Pino (of TV's "Cold Case") and especially Brad Greenquist as the unsuspecting witness to the events only intensify the credibility of the director's tone and editing choices. And it's nice to see Brittany Murphy trying out her chops a bit, now that she's been kinda demoted off the A list...

Independent films often rhyme with long, brooding and somewhat boring, and especially with not visually appealing. Alex Merkin shows enormous gusto in overstepping these preconceptions and offers a thriller that puts to shame boatloads of the mainstream ones we've been getting from Hollywood for a long while. Highly entertaining, and just as recommended. Alex Merkin definitely makes my watch list.

8/10

What Films Inspired Filmmakers

I've been trying to avoid looking behind the scenes of many movies these recent years 'cause the more you know about the process the less magical and inspiring it seems and feels; a demystification that prevents appreciation. Like CAST AWAY, which I was in complete awe over until I saw that large portions of it were filmed in a parking lot, and that about 85% if the island was CG. Kubrick would've tried, man...

Hot off the press, as in published just last week, is a book by Geoffrey MacNab that brings redemption to the process and magic back into the fold: Film directors who inspired immensely, remembering how they experienced awe and inspiration of their own from movies they fell in love with. The book called Screen Epiphanies: Filmmakers on the Films that Inspired Them lets a plethora of renowned directors from around the globe reminisce and share with us the moment (s) they knew this is what they had to do for a living.

On of my personal favourites comes from Scotsman Danny Boyle who remembers discovering APOCALYPSE NOW:

"When I came to London for a job in the theatre, I was living in a place in Fulham with some mates. They gave me a bedroom to stay in. I was an assistant stage manager, driving the truck, sweeping up and setting up the stages. They were an amazing company called Joint Stock Theatre Company. Outside the flat in Fulham, there was this huge billboard. 

One day, this black poster went up with Apocalypse Now on it. I am sure I must have known something about it from Time Out or whatever. Anyway, I went to see it. That was the moment when everything suddenly made sense. 

I guess what it does it that it collides some of the elements of American mainstream cinema from the time and art. That was what Coppola had done in a way. What was interesting about it for me was that I was so transformed by it. 

There is something that haunts most directors, which is that we don't really do anything useful although we're thought of as being useful. He [my dad] fought in the war and contributed something and yet all I wanted him to do was watch Francis Ford Coppola's version of the war. It didn't undermine the film for me but it categorises film for me in a way. Film often runs in parallel with life and it feeds off it but I don't think it necessarily nurtures it. I don't think it necessarily contributes in the way we think it does. We, in our world, in our bubble that we work in, imagine that it does but I am not sure that it does."

Ask Santa  for it this year and share your favorite director's own moment of clarity from a movie....

On AMAZON

5 Films that Should be Remade

Granted I'm the very uppity and angry first to lash out and bestow nasty names to any producer, director and/or studio who dares remake a film I hold high in respect or affection, but even dear ol' moi has a few ideas about some movies that do indeed very much deserve (for some reason or other) to be remade, and whom should be onboard to do it. To be honest, it all started after seeing Zach Snyder's kick-ass take on DAWN OF THE DEAD - so entertaining, well made yet absolutely respectful of the original, it begs the question what else would benefit such a revisiting. At the risk of finding myself dealing with the business end of someone else's nasty name-calling, here's the 5 movies I wish most to see re-hauled, with suggestions as to cast and crew.


1) The Ghost and Mrs Muir

If it wasn't for the 1960 TV show, very few would remember Rex Harrison's fantastic turn as Captain GregG. It is still indeed an entertaining, beautiful and engrossing movie, but one filmed in the 1940s and set even earlier; values have changed so drastically that much of its drama would be easier to miss for current generations of movie watchers than a good TV show on Fox ('cause, you know, those get cancelled in a heartbeat...). An update would be quite the mirror to today's technology: falling in love with a ghost, someone who can only offer nice words and dreams of bliss but nothing of actual substance. Now THAT is a nice metaphor toward online romance.

A remake had been looked at by studio execs from the late 80s to early 00s, more often than not with Sean Connery as Gregg - which would've been glove to hand back then, but Bond Prime is out of the game and quite old to play romantic lead without appearing downright creepy.If it was announced tomorrow, I'd like no one more than Patricia Clarkson to be the haunted widow (even at her age, my God what a beautiful woman) while as foul-tempered Captain Gregg I see the great Ed Harris.

2) The Shadow

Almost 10 years before the Dark Knight himself started stalking criminals of Gotham, a voice appeared on the radio simply as a narrator to other shows' characters: The Shadow, with his haunting laugh grew to become an icon of pulp crime crusader, until the dreadful Alec Baldwin vehicle of the early 90s. If Chris Nolan proved anything, it's that you can indeed take a classic character ruined by cheezy outings and make him the most compelling badass out there. Lamont Cranston deserves much more than where Hollywood has left him off for dead.

What you need here is to avoid the obvious Rich Playboy by Day/Dark Crime Fighter by Night gist; Bruce Wayne ruined it for the rest of 'em. Let's go back to the source and make him just the elusive man who knows what evil lurks, but not quite "V" either; let his identity be revealed little by little as a potential franchise goes along. Perfect eyes for the man with a scarf: Rufus Sewell. He's still got a few good years of leading man in him.

3) Logan's Run

Fantastic source novel, and although the Michael York healdiner of the 70s has its fans - shitty film, made even more atrocious by the spun-off TV show complete with a middle-aged looking robot. Bryan Singer had his eye on this one for the longest time, but I really can't get over how much I hated SUPERMAN RETURNS. Was he about to do the same 30 years too late hommage?

Let someone with a fresh vision do this one (and actually read the book first...). I say Kurt Wimmer - say what you will of ULTRAVIOLET, he's still the dude who made EQUILIBRIUM, which kicked all sorts of ass from here till Sunday. And let's finally give Ryan Gossling a good sci-fi role. Still peed off the guy wasn't retained for GREEN LANTERN.

4) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

What the HELL were they thinking??? The guy who did BLADE in charge of an Alan Moore adaptation??? Why not Joel Schumacher? Or Brett Stinking Ratner? or Uwe Goddam Boll?!?!? Say what you will about Zach Snyder's WATCHMEN, the guy followed the story and spirit of the source material. Stephen Norrington turned the incredibly rich and dark comic books into a Fox Network failed pilot - failed upward and went to theatres...

I'm not saying do a frame-for-shot adaptation as Snyder did, but at least follow the gosh darn story elements that made the books so good in the first place. First of all, Alan Quartermain is a bottomed out Junkie, not a hero. And Mina Harker is the leader, not a fanged pom-pom girl. Tom Sawyer? please... Let's have Lance Henriksen as the sickening-slim Quartermain,  and underrated beauty Caroline Dhavernas as Mina. For starters.

 

 5) Oh God

 Fitting title isn't it? All the more so since it stars John Denver. No disrespect to his memory, I just really never had it for the guy. And George Burns as God - cute, but, you know... Now, granted some may view BRUCE ALMIGHTY as an unofficial remake, but I beg to differ. OH GOD was a dramedy with a sense of philosophical journey to it, while BRUCE was Jim Carrey and splapstick. Isn't that an oxymoron?

A remake should follow the tone of the original with maybe some dark sarcastic humor, and much less Denver. I'd see someone like Shane Black directing it with, say, Alan Tudyk as the Denver character and as God...hmm... Bob Hoskins. Love that dude. Extremely versatile for someone his size and shape, plus he's a Brit so you got that posh accent for the character.

Raimi wants his own DISTRICT 9 with PANIC ATTACK

Looks like Sam Da Man Raimi, a director I like so much I'm even willing to look forward to SPIDER-MAN 4, won't let hand-held cam documentary-style sci-fi films go out of style. And with the immense recent success of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and DISCTRICT 9, the former of which I have to be perfectly honest I have no interest in whatsoever, all he needs is a fresh-minded director with a vision. Check.

Raimi's Ghost House Pictures has snagged upcoming Latino filmmaker Frederico Alvarez for an unspecified sci-film, unspecified meaning they want him to expand on his kick-ass looking 4-minute short ATAQUE DE PANICO (Panick Attack). Like Peter Jackson asked Neil Blomkamp for his short ALIVE IN JOBURG (that became this year's sleeper hit DISTRICT 9). I absolutely love the short but there is one problem: it's actually a set piece or sequence, no story to speak of found in there. So Alvarez would have to flesh out an entire narrative around his concept, hopefully without being too cliché and rehashed.

Here's the original short film, for y'all to make up your mind. I'm putting myself on the interested side of this; I like the retro IRON GIANT-like look of the robots. Unlike ones with giant...ya know, dangling...




(The folks from Twitch have the original report)

Frogcast #2

I was hoping to have a few guests this week but all of them bailed out, so it’s just you and I for this Thanksgiving Weekend edition of the Frogcast, where:

-I rant on legality when it comes to streaming movies

-Review a yet-unreleased little gem I was priviledged to watch recently called VERONICA DECIDES TO DIE

-Check out the new movie releases for this week

-And add bits and pieces of hilarious audio clips.

Any comments, questions, suggestions or subpoenas can be addressed to ant_lan@yahoo.com.
Follow me on Twitter as well as my new gig on Swan Diary.

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Love Whispers of Twilight

Isn't there anything more thrilling than the sweet moments shared with a new love? Like those cuddly little love whispers lovers tell each other thinking nobody hears of notices them?

The completely insane folks of Liquid Generation were nearby when Bella and Edward were having those moments, before Eddie bailed so that Bella could get her rocks off with a six-packed werewolf. And here's what they witnessed of those sweet little nothing whispered between the sun-crossed lovers.

The Shining 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Danny Torrance is alive and well and living on horse races. Or so it he could, if Stephen King gets through with his latest revelations.

The be-spectacled and probably stinkin' rich writer spent a night in Toronto where he treated audiences of the evil city's (evil for Montreal Habs fans...) Canon Theatre to a 15-minutes read of his new novel "Under the Dome". Which many say is a rip-off from the Simpsons movie. Hey - it's Stephen friggin King, he could rip off Jesus if he wants, a'ight??? Anyhoo, a Q&A after the event had him reveal he'd been thinking about the young hero of his fluvial thriller "The Shining" and has already been scribbling down some ideas of what he could be up to. King said he was simply musing for now, but you bet your sweet blog readin' ass some asshole Studio Exec will be paying him a visit very soon. Lots of them, actually.

King's plan for Danny would have him in his 40s, working as an orderly who secretly helps on death's door cross over more easily thanks to his power. As The Torontoist observes, the original novel's "happy" ending doesn't preclude that the character walked off the ordeal with deep and haunting scars. What ever the kid made of that trauma and how he deals with it would make a kick-ass sequel, the author feels.

His potential title, should it all come to fruition? "Doctor Sleep". Come on King - long live and all, but just do it!

Once were Toys, soon to be Movies

You've heard all the crazy stories -toys and board games being turned into movies, and by serious directors- and understandably some if not most of them might feel like out-of-control rumors or really bad jokes. On the other hand, that's what everybody -including and especially me- said of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEANS. To help keep track and confirm what you might've simply been suspecting, here's a list of toys & games on their way to Hollywood.

BATTLESHIP

I wondered what Peter Berg was still doing on the other side of the camera after the irresponsibly painful mess that was VERY BAD THINGS, but then he made FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS and the unfairly mistreated HANCOCK, so I figured he might be able to pull some kind of RED OCTOBER out of his sleeves, which would sound absolutely cool. Not the case... Berg's film for Universal will inolve...dare I say it??? Oh what the heck! ALIENS!!!! What the F do aliens have to do with the board game? Why use the game's name at all??? Well... your guess is as good as mine.

MONOPOLY

One of the greatest collective WTF was heard rumbling throughout the movie appreciators community when Ridley Scott announced his intention of making a film out of the grandfather of all boardgames. Since, contrary to BATTLESHIP, this one exposes itself to being ridiculous. But Ridely??? But then he revealed plot details, and ya know, it actually sounds cool...

Set up (again) at Universal, the film will follow a (probably lovable) loser who tries to become famous by breaking the record for time spent playing Monopoly, his only real talent. The ordeal leaves him in a state where reality blurs itself with the game as he finds himself in Monopoly City, fighting against the evil Parker Brothers who have nefarious plans for the denizens. I still say Scott's name sounds weird in all of this - more like a project for, say Terry Gilliam or Tim Burton. No, Gilliam. Burton would make this so creepy I'd need months of therapy to regain my childhood memories...

CANDY LAND

This one actually makes sense. A little. Kinda. I mean it's a game aimed at toddlers who don't really get the intricacies of dealing with money (neither does my 39-year old brother however...) and it's filled with, you know, candy and stuff.

The film will be handled by Kevin Lima, which again makes sense. The guy gave Disney a family-oriented hit with ENCHANTED, which sent cute-as-a-button Amy Adams singing at the Oscars. Guess what studio is doing it??? I can understand Universal's position - they just made a ludicrous bundle with those TRANSFORMERS movies nobody liked. Imagine if they pull a good film out of a game?...

CLUE

This one is a convergence of inevitability: a game adaptation AND a remake! How could Hollywood pass up that opportunity?!? Correction - how could Universal pass it up... I have to say the original 1985 comedy is a guilty pleasure of mine. The premise was quirky and fun, it had an absolutely superb cast including Howard Hessman, Tim Curry and Chris Lloyd, and it was written by John Landis when at the peak of his creativity.

To be fair with the remake, Gore Verbinsky will be directing. And I use fair in a loose way - I liked his MOUSE HUNT but any if not all credit for PIRATES' success goes to Johnny Depp's out of this world performance. Oh, and it won't be a comedy but an international thriller... yup. The Clue Identity.

STRETCH ARMSTRONG

I remember reading about an upcoming Stretch movie back when I was in high school - to give you an idea, that was about the time Marty McFly hit 88 miles an hour. Then in the mid 90s Disney tried to do it with Jackie Chan as stretch and Danny DeVito as his nemesis sibbling Evil X-Ray Wretch Armstrong. I'm not even making this up. Wonder why it got tossed with such a loud thud down the dumpster...

Hasbro, Universal's new BFF, bought the toy's rights from Kenner and wants to bring it back on the shelves, and movies being the best commercials money can buy, well here we go again. Mindbendingly, Ron Howard's usual partner in crime Brian Gazer is producing. Not so mindbendingly, Grazer chose Steve Odenkerk as a director. I like Steve's work in a cult-classic kinda way - KUNG POW is damn funny with a heavy brewsky- but the guy is anything but mainstream material; whenever he tries to be , he just ain't funny. Being an over-idiotic movie idea to begin with, I really can't see how or when this will ever get made.

OUIJA

Dearest Micheal Bay,
You're just a stoopid hack.
Although I have to say
I do love Megan's crack.

That film in a nutshell, which it probably will be - Michael Bay, board game, spirits being called upon, hot chicks, fast cars and loud 'splosions. Add a Brett Ratner cameo and you got a reason for the Nobel organization to create a movie prize as well - to make sure no one ever feels like looking up to those two.

 BARBIE

The title for this should be something like "Friggin Obvious". Hollywood has been demoralizing tweens, teens and drama queens for decades with the image of the sparkly slim and tall blond with generous boobs and perfect looks. I can think of 2 or 3 dozen current young actresses who could fit that mold. It was just a matter of time before someone figured "hey! let's make a film about the original!"

There's also the fact that Mattel's been banking like crazy on those costless CG DTV Barbie films for a few years now, hence little doubt there's big bucks to make with her. Having producer Laurence Marks on board continues the guy's weird streak; he's had some strong stuff like AS GOOD AS IT GETS and FINDING FORRESTER mixed with stink bombs like ROMY AND MICHELLE or CUTTHROAT ISLAND. Strangely, I would've seen Mike Bay behind this one as well...

HE-MAN

I remember watching the 1987 Dolph Lundgren wet firecracker and actually enjoying the cheesy quality of it. Frank Langella was da bomb as Skeletor! But I've never really considered this property in any way capable of reaching serious audiences. I mean come on - He-Man? Eternia? Skeletor?

Warner's been trying to do it for a while but those oh so pesky creative differences with Mattel put the kibosh on that one and forced procuder Joel Silver out. Columbia picked it right up (before Universal could get a chance to...) and kept KUNG FU PANDA director John Stevenson attached. Yup, sounds serious like hell...

VIEW-MASTER

Now THAT is the mother of all WTFs, right? A whole movie based on a toy where all you do is look at pictures of old cartoon shows through daylight. Here's the bigger kicker ('cause there's one...) - the film will be produced by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, the same two who wrote the robotic scrotum into TRANFORMERS 2. And don't you dare drop STAR TREK on me - JJ Abrams deserves all the credit on that one!

Strangely, Universal is nowhere near this one; it's actually being made by Spielberg's house of Dreamworks. Stevie, you're getting senile with old age. Before, it was cute. Now it's just senile. You're nuking the fridge more and more, dude...

WARHAMMER 40K

Something prime for a feature film if there ever was, especially with how advanced CG is nowadays - even independent filmmakers can make uber-cool stuff now (just look at Rob Rodriguez' graphic work on SIN CITY or those SPY KIDS films) and that's exactly where this one is headed. No studio interference, just  a writer who knows this material backwards (Dan Abnett whose written a dozen W40K inspired books) and a rookie director not bound by conventions.

The game is one of those tabletop  Risk-like things where you could assemble and paint the figurines. it then became an online RPG along with books to create a rich universe of stories, and now you can even spot costumed-fans of it at conventions. If done well, this could be the next MATRIX.

WORLD WAR ROBOTS

I've never owned any of the WWR collectibles, but I thought the concept of it was fascinating. Sentient machines and their human allies at war against other machines all over the planet and beyond. Started off as just a series of very cool-looking figurines all expanded form the initial concept of a robotic world war, and that too evolved into books and RPGs. And a rich concept it is - the background story created for them has the robots fighting all the way to Mars.

Jerry Bruckheimer is behind that one, so expect the very best in action sequences. Or at least the most entertaining. Could be quite to dud if done too quickly, so Jer, take your time to find the right writer and director. Make this one count!

Got anymore upcoming toy flicks I forgot about? Drop a line in the comments section and let us all enjoy!